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Mission: Impossible 2 Is What Happens When You Call Tom Cruise Boring

Mission: Impossible Fallout, the sixth movie in the franchise, comes out next week, and it’s getting rave reviews so far. Apparently it’s really good! It’s a perfect opportunity to reflect upon the second Mission: Impossible movie, which is special for being pretty much the only one in the franchise to be considered objectively, unquestionably awful.

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That was when it came out in 2000, and I can tell you it hasn’t aged well.

(Welcome back to Jalopnik Movie Club , where we take a look at cars in movies and movies about cars, and you write in with all of your hot takes. This week, we’re reviewing John Woo’s Mission: Impossible 2 , a movie where every gunshot sounds like the birth of a new star, multiple people voluntarily endanger the lives of millions of people by injecting themselves with a virus, and two dudes joust on motorcycles.)

The first Mission: Impossible movie was a landmark in Tom Cruise’s acting career, as it was the first he made under his own Cruise Wagner production company. He wanted a serious action franchise to solidify his status as a movie star and to become even richer, or something, so he hired Scarface and The Untouchables director Brian DePalma to make a spy movie intentionally devoid of gunfights and car chases. Sure, there’s some good action at the end—and one very iconic theft scene—but the first Mission: Impossible is mostly about deception, double-crossing and betrayal.

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I really like that movie. But many people hate it for its complex plot, or how it turns Jim Phelps, the beloved hero from the original TV series, into the main villain.

So when it came to making a sequel in a post- Matrix movie landscape, the answer was clear: kicking, kicking and more kicking. Also a soundtrack by Limp Bizkit and Metallica.

There’s a reason my editors at Jalopnik don’t like talking about the early 2000s.

Cruise brought in famed Hong Kong action director John Woo and made a movie with an even weirder plot, but this time it went super heavy on the fights, gunplay and car chases. It’s a wildly different movie from the first one. And people didn’t really seem to love that either!

Regardless of the mixed reviews, Mission: Impossible 2 was the highest grossing movie worldwide of 2000, so dreams do come true, I guess.

Anyway, MI:2 stars Cruise returning as Impossible Mission Force agent Ethan Hunt, who is tasked with running down a rogue IMF agent named Sean Ambrose (Dougray Scott), who got his hands on a biological weapon called the Chimera, named for the creature of Greek mythology.

He enlists the help of world-class thief and Ambrose’s ex Nyah, played by Thandie Newton (now of Westworld fame), who goes undercover but is quickly found out, held hostage and then rather dramatically thrown under the bus.

If the first Mission: Impossible was overcomplicated and boring, the second swung too far in the opposite direction to compensate. Its basic plot is the good guys trying to stop the bad guys with a bioweapon, and the only real twists and turns are either when someone rips off a mask or when someone injects themselves with the bad juice. But Woo brings the style and the heat with the action sequences, and it reduces the viewer down to their childhood instincts of entertainment. Also a lot of doves flying over explosions, because irony hadn’t been invented yet.

Just describing the action satisfies how over-the-top the movie gets. Ethan chases down Nyah in a car chase involving a Porsche 996 911 and an Audi TT, with the cars getting locked together in a “dancing” spin that leaves Nyah hanging on my an open door over a cliff face. Ethan saves her and they immediately fall in love, eventually developing into a gross and tired love triangle between good and bad.

Then, Ethan breaks into the facility where the bioweapon and its antivirus are stored, which is essentially entire made of glass. But the bad guy knows he’s going to be there, so Ambrose brings Nyah and there’s a big shootout, throughout which both Ambrose and Ethan take turns monologuing. The gunshots sound like masses of metal crashing into each other, and giant plumes of fire shoot from the gunbarrels while glass flies everywhere.

Then Nyah picks up the last remaining injection of the virus and shoots it into her arm, and Ethan jumps out of the side of the building in slow motion.

The final action scene has Ethan invading Ambrose’s island compound to interrupt the sale of the virus by fighting dudes while doves fly around in slow motion, then blowing up the door, then beating up Ambrose’s bodyguard and putting an Ethan Hunt mask on him so that Ambrose kills him while Ethan sneaks in and steals the virus. And then they all go outside and get in cars to chase Ethan down on a motorcycle.

After Ethan blows up every single car by shooting its gas tank, Ambrose shows up also on a motorcycle. They end up on a beach and Ethan and Ambrose play a game of chicken. They go flying into the air on their motorcycles and their bodies collide. AND THEN THEY DO A KARATE FIGHT TO THE DEATH IN SLOW MOTION.

It’s like a 12 year-old’s fever dream version of a spy movie, after eating half a cake and a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. I know this because I was that 12 year-old once.

But this movie was never supposed to be a high-brow intellectual thriller. You bring John Woo onto your movie because you want overstylized action, explosions big enough to distract from Tom Cruise’s misaligned teeth, stunt people doing flips for no apparent reason, car chases that end in motorcycle jousting on the beach, and doves.

Mission: Impossible 2 is very much more in the vein of Tony Scott and Michael Bay movies; a genre of what I suppose you could call vanity violence. It cuts out all of the bullshit that gets in the way of looking cool and sounding badass.

I grew up loving this movie and I still love it, though I will readily admit it’s not, like, good . I believe that inside everyone there’s a part of them that wants to grow their hair out, wear cool plastic sunglasses and a leather jacket, and run around in slow motion through a shower of sparks and a flock of birds while saying something like, “I’m coming back for you” before jumping out of a building.

If you don’t fantasize about that, you’re the problem, not the movie.

That’s all from me, now let’s hear from those of you that emailed with your thoughts, opinions and hot takes about Mission: Impossible 2 :

Loved MI2 on the big screen but insufferable to sit through today Love makes us do all sorts of weird things but I just can’t get behind the whole premise of a spy movie’s tension being the undying and instant love Ethan Hunt has with doe-eyed thief turned good girl Nyah Nordoff-Hall. In retrospect, my opinion on MI2 (and I guess all movies in general) is a reflection on me, the viewer, so there’s that. Real talk, my grade school crush looked a lot like Nyah. Naturally, I became Ethan Hunt the entire two hours. That’s probably why I have fond memories of MI2. But looking back today, boy was this Ethan Hunt such a softie compared to the first Mission Impossible. We have this super long and hilarious back and forth in a bathtub in the beginning than an equally as long love scene which I’m quite stumped why it’s taking so long. Oh, the director’s making us see the love happen. OK. But my Hunt, influenced by the first MI, is a badass who can separate romance and work. Not the case in MI2 with multiple scenes of Hunt and Hall locking eyes in some sort of lovers connection. Barf. I suppose the plot wouldn’t have played out the way it did if Hunt didn’t connect with Nyah like that and a love triangle of this nature is a movie trope as old as time but did they have to lay it on so thick?

Exage03040:

In this movie we see the following: Flamenco dancing, horse racing, and some sheep. Mission Impossible II, the 2 Fast 2 Furious of the MI saga. The boisterous cash in of the success of the original film with cheap twists, greater impossible missions, and a love triangle! What really got me was the amount of close up shots of facial expressions. I burst out laughing when it panned into Sean watching Nyah undress, and they continue throughout the film and in such odd segments it appears unnatural. This was the alternative to the Bronson Bond era and really only provided to the slump of silly spy movies of the late ’90 and early ‘00. The vehicle scenes in this film suffer as a result. The vehicular battle between Nyah in the Audi TT and Ethan in the Porsche 996 starts out interestingly enough with a bash fest but why? WHY is the Cabriolet a Tiptronic? Come on, what super spy would have gone for that gearbox? And then there’s the tandem spin save… It just comes off as corny with this weird slow motion connection whilst in the spin. However, the biggest goof comes with the motorcycle chase scene. The motorcycle in question is a Triumph Speed Triple with a 955cc engine. It’s a street fighter litre bike from around the turn of the millennium. The only way that sedan and SUV were able to even see that bike was the magic of movie because even here, 18 years later, that machine is no joke. Then there’s the issue of the bikes doing jumps, being off road and in the sand, it’s doable but certainly not on those tires and at that speed (and in a cut they switch to knobbies on the beach). Pedantically, when Ethan backs it into [slides into] the abandoned car, they goof make it seem like he changes into first with his right foot (with click SFX). If you have never ridden a motorcycle: riders left appendages do the shifting (clutch is left hand lever, shifter set is left foot), riders’ right appendages do the stopping and going (front brake is right hand lever, rear brake is right foot lever, right grip is accelerator). The bike was already stopped, there’s no reason for him to stomp the rear brake. At least they had them shooting with the left hands. Movie: C+ I remember this coming up on the local station movie night many many times. And there’s definitely a reason for that. It’s a rather generic spy action film of the Y2K. Car Movie: C Really there aren’t too many car scenes as this focuses on going toe to toe with Bond. The ones that are emphasized play out to the tone of reverie.

And that wraps it up for this week’s Jalopnik Movie Club review! Thank you to everyone who wrote in with their takes, which I encourage you all to do for next week!

Speaking of next week, we’ll be reviewing 1976's The Gumball Rally , so be sure to get it watched and collect your thoughts, and write in with your opinions and hot takes to justin at jalopnik dot com.

In the meantime, sound off below about the good and bad of Mission: Impossible 2, and all of its post-Matrix, pre-9/11 carefree violence, and see you all next week!

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The 6 best Mission Impossible chase sequences

The Mission Impossible series, or, more accurately, the Mission That’s Most Likely Possible series, is all about the race against time. Usually, some nuclear warhead or beam in the sky is causing everyone to run helter-skelter. Notably, the series’ protagonist Ethan Hunt, can be found hoofing his way to the danger zone. But when Cruise is not making a run for it, he’s usually chasing bad guys in a car or a motorcycle. A triumph, a BMW Motorrad bike, it doesn’t matter. If there are wheels attached to a machine, Tom Cruise will find a way to make things exciting. This brings us to:

The John Woo-directed sequel to the original Mission Impossible is what set the precedent for outrageous driving and riding sequences. The chase sequence involves Cruise chasing down bad guy Dougray Scott on a Triumph Speed Triple, with Scott straddling a red Triumph Daytona. Things seem relatively plausible until a directorial oversight leads to a scene with Scott’s character revving the motorcycle from the wrong end of the handlebar (the throttle is always on the right, while the baddie here seems to be doing it from the left)

The scene culminates in both characters being thrown off their motorcycle, a trend that has continued to the final two-parter, where Cruise dives into a mountain on a bike.

For a franchise featuring frequent disarming of nuclear warheads, Thandie Newton’s Audi TT kept up with a considerably more powerful Porsche 911. Shot before the age of Bluetooth, the scene has the two lead characters engage in witty banter while driving their respective cars with the roofs down.

However, we’re still knee-deep in Woo-verse, so disbelief lies suspended further above the laws of gravity.

As far as drives go, this was the quickest one. With BMW having come on board as a sponsor, Hunt gets out of the then-new BMW i8, tearing across a crowded Indian market (or a set design meant to look like India). He then has a scuffle with the main antagonist, which somehow culminates in him taking a nose dive in a BMW 1-Series, off a parking lot ramp and onto hard concrete. Guess that’s one way to check if the airbags work.

What the MI movies spend on car chases, they save up by not having to hire stunt performers. In this sequence, with an understandably terrified Simon Pegg, Cruise takes to the streets of Marrakech in a BMW M3, attempting to shake off some motorcyclists. The scene has everything you want from a high-octane chase sequence – deft handbrake turns, high-speed driving in reverse, and a bunch of baddies being tossed around like bowling pins.

Arguably the most exciting chase sequence in the series, Rogue Nation sees Cruise take to a BMW S1000 RR – then the world’s fastest motorcycle – while, you guessed it, chasing down baddies. Not one to bother with trifles like speed limits or, for that matter, the need for a helmet, the sequence sees Tom Cruise go full MotoGP, scraping his knee on the tarmac before taking a tumble off the motorcycle and lying face down in the dirt. Only in the movies can you survive that.

Perhaps the second-most talked about part of Mission Impossible: Fallout, after Henry Cavill loads his arms, is the flat-out motorcycle chase in Paris. Tom Cruise can be seen, sans helmet, going flat out on a BMW R NineT while being chased by a pair of motorcyclist police officers. What’s impressive is that the camera pans out to show that Cruise is clearly operating the machine. There are no stunt dollies bolted to the chassis - this is Cruise showing off just how adept he is on a bike—extending his leg out for stability while cornering and making a beeline towards the Arc du Triomphe during peak traffic hours: a stunt more dangerous than latching on to a cargo plane. Dodging French hatchbacks with ninja-like precision, the chase, unfortunately, comes to a crashing halt with Cruise being thrown head-first towards the asphalt after colliding with a car. Also, plummeting to the ground is the suspended bit of disbelief. The only thing that went up was Tom’s insurance premium. Wear a helmet, kids.

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Every installment in the Mission Impossible franchise tends to be packed with numerous chase scenes. As a result, hundreds of different car models have been used in each film. Even though the main characters are normally biased towards high-performance, high-end cars (because of product placement) ordinary rides get plenty of screen time too.

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Plenty of cars are usually destroyed in each film too, thanks to the crazy and never-ending stunts. That's no problem because the studio has a budget for that. Fans of the franchise who happen to be car lovers might want to purchase some of the cars that have been used so far. But how much do they cost?

2003 Lincoln Town Car Stretched Limousine (Mission Impossible: III) - $40,000

Limousines always get eyeballs rolling because they ooze elegance. One of the best limousines in the franchise appeared in the third installment to pick up Ethan Hunt at a train yard. But he isn't going to a gala. Driving the limo is a baddie who had just kidnapped Ethan's wife. He ordered him to do as he wanted or else...

Though limousines are mostly hired rather than bought, a couple of moneyed individuals like owning them. Interestingly, the 2003 Lincoln Town Car doesn't have a ridiculous price tag . Average income earners that have the urge to be flashy can get one. Parking space might be the only issue.

2013 Land-Rover Range Rover Series IV (Rogue Nation) - $50,000

Bad guys in action movies are known to prefer SUVs. This particular car was driven by henchmen attached to the antagonist Solomon Lane aka "The man in glasses." Lane was a former British intelligence operative who worked for SIS/MI6. He eventually went rogue after the formation of the syndicate and began conducting his own operations.

The Series IV appeared several times in the movie, including when Dunn is abducted. All over the world, it's still considered a luxury car. Though not as expensive as supercars , it still mirrors wealth.

Alpha Romeo 166 (Mission Impossible: III) - $50,000

One baddie tried to catch up with Ethan in Italy using this car but he wasn't so successful. It's a shame because this specific model has top speeds of up to 152 mph. If he tried hard enough, he could have gotten close.

RELATED:  Mission: Impossible – Ethan Hunt's 10 Coolest Quotes, Ranked

Among the cool cars of the franchise, the Alpha Romeo 166 is a little more affordable than the rest. Like most of the other older models, the price has also dropped in recent years

BMW M3 (Rogue Nation) - $70,000

Ethan Hunt proved that staircases are no problem for this car. It can literally move through anything. The car was involved in a Morocco chase in which Ethan was on the wheel as he drove through alleyways and every space he could find. Understandably, Benji was freaking out on the passenger's seat. Ethan also did a reverse jump with the M3, which was quite impressive.

As revealed in the movie, there is a lot that the M3 can do. Some even prefer it to the M5. BMW lovers will need just about 70k to purchase it at the moment, which isn't so bad.

Land Rover Defender (Several installments) -$50,000 - $80,000

The Defender has appeared several times in the franchise. One good example is in Rogue Nation where Ilsa helped Ethan Hunt break into a Syndicate base in Casablanca. To everyone's surprise, she knocked off Benji and rode away with the ledger, leading to a lengthy chase scene involving cars and motorbikes.

The price of this specific type of vehicle mostly depends on the year of manufacture. Most recent models cost a little more than the older ones . However, every model has received great reviews from car critics.

Porsche 911 Convertible (Mission Impossible: II) - $100,000

The second installment is widely regarded as the weakest in the franchise thanks to director John Woo's over-the-top action sequences . However, it was still an entertaining entry. One of the scenes involved Ethan Hunt going around in circles with former professional thief Nyah Nordoff-Hall.

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Nyah was in an Audi TT while Ethan followed her around in a Porsche 911. The 911 has been in production since 1963 and its Porche's most iconic model. It doesn't come cheap either.

BMW M5 (Fallout) - $110,000

The M5 could be spotted at Ramstein Air Base as CIA Director Erika Sloane (Angela Bassett) spoke with former CIA director and new IMF secretary Allan Hunley (Alec Baldwin). Hunley later left the base using the car as Erika instructed Special Activities operative August Walker (Henry Cavill) to follow Ethan around.

The BMW M5 also appears briefly in the opening scene of the movie. It remains a popular car all over the world, thanks to its efficiency and general look. To get one, deep pockets are needed too.

2005 Aston Martin V8 Vantage (Ghost Protocol) - $130,000

Dubai is always full of supercars, a couple were shown from a distance but this was the one that caught Hunt's attention the most. Though he didn't drive it, Ethan checked out an Aston Martin V8 Vantage that was right behind him in Dubai as he stepped out of his own vehicle to enter a hotel.

One would need to fork out a tidy sum to get the Vantage. Red also seems to be the perfect color for the vehicle as the one in the movie looks extremely beautiful.

BMW i8 (Ghost Protocol) - $170,000

The protagonist Ethan Hunt could be spotted in the i8 while speeding through Mumbai streets in an effort to stop the villain Hendricks from facilitating the sale of a Soviet military satellite to an Indian telecommunications entrepreneur Brij Nath. Hendricks' plan was to launch a nuclear missile.

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The i8 featured in the movie as a concept car before it went into the market. It's been a few years since it launched so the price isn't as high as when it was first introduced .

Lamborghini Gallardo (Mission Impossible: III) - $200,000

Ethan used the car while leaving the Vatican with Zhen since he needed everyone to think he was the arms dealer Davian. As everyone was distracted, Declan fled into a sewer with the real Davian. Sadly, the Lambo's beauty soon went up in flames. When Ethan left the car and went into the sewer, Zhen blew it up.

Despite not being a new model, the Gallardo is still one of the most in-demand supercars in the world. To acquire it, one would need to have pretty decent income/wealth too.

NEXT:  Tom Cruise's 10 Biggest Movies At The Box Office Besides Mission: Impossible

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Audi’s Relationship with the Cinema

As a producer of trusty, reliable and classy vehicles, Audi is a viable option for many characters in the film industry, providing the fusion between sporty and comfort driving. Through this article, collated by UK Audi dealership , Vindis, we’re analysing the times this German car giant has found its way into the big screen.

Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy 

Audi had a large presence in all the films compiling the fifty shades trilogy. The films follow the lives of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, a businessman and a student, as their relationship unfolds.

The appearances were solely down to the partnership they agreed to alongside Universal Pictures. That said, we are confident Audi will have been chuffed with their decision to enter into business with the film producer, considering the movies have successfully topped $1billion in the box office. 

The three-part franchise offers appearances from an R8 Spyder, an Audi S8 D4, and a 2017 S7. In the sequel Fifty Shades Darker , a set of Audi Q7 cars and an A3 took centre stage, with both the R8 and Q7 returning for Fifty Shades Freed .

Mission: Impossible II 

At the start of the 2000s, Tom Cruise was preparing for his return to the big screen with the second iteration of Mission Impossible . Meanwhile Audi were preparing to place Nyah Nordoff-Hall, the nemesis of main character Ethan Hunt, in one of their cars. Hunt is behind the wheel of a Porsche Boxster and Nordoff-Hall tries to hold him off while driving an Audi TT — suffice to say that the pursuit between the two German-made cars into oncoming traffic is filled with nail-biting and edge-of-your-seat drama! 

We reckon it’s time to whip out the DVD player and grab some popcorn to indulge in some quality German engineering by watching this movie, especially with the recent release of Mission: Impossible – Fallout still in our minds. 

The Marvel Films 

Marvel merges both comic and vehicle lovers into one place — a chance to see some of your favourite superheroes in action, while getting the opportunity to admire a collection of stunning Audis. In each of the standalone Iron Man films, at least one Audi has featured. A 2007 R8 and S5 B8 can be found in the first movie, a 2009 A8 LD3 and 2010 R8 Spyder are spotted in the sequel, and a 2012 S7 and R8 e-tron both feature in Iron Man 3 . The R8 e-tron also turned up at a VIP screening of Iron Man 3 at London’s Leicester Square a few days before the movie’s general release!

Captain America: Civil War is just as jam-packed with Audi vehicles as the Iron Man trilogy was. There is an abundance to be spotted from start to finish. Within its two hours and 27 minutes runtime, you can see the 2017 Audi R8 V10 Plus, the 2017 SQ7, the 2017 A4, the 2016 A7 Sportback and even the Audi prologue concept car — a vehicle hailed as “a ‘signature car’ for Audi” by Prof. Dr Ulrich Hackenberg, Board Member for Development at Audi.

Be on the lookout for an Audi R8, A6 Hybrid and A3 as you watch the excitement unfold in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Plus, there’s an Audi TTS Roadster, R8 Spyder, Q7, and A8 during Spider-Man Homecoming — the first standalone film by our favourite web-slinger since he became involved in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Looking beyond just the MCU, there are a number of other Marvel movies which Audi has been featured in. An R8 Spyder features in The Wolverine — the titular protagonist’s actor Hugh Jackman even turned up at the London Leicester Square premiere of the film in the same car — and an A8 plays a role in the 2015 big screen edition of Fantastic Four .

The Fast and Furious series is the one where you would expect to see a number of vehicle cameos and Audi is no stranger to being in this series. After all, this is a series which features street racing, heists and espionage using all manners of vehicles and has so far spanned eight main series entries and two additional short films — grossing in excess of $5 billion to date!

We’ll just look at the main series of the films. In the early moments of the film, which featured one final appearance from the series regular, Paul Walker, who was tragically killed in a car crash while Furious 7 was being filmed, the Audi R8 made an appearance. A movie that clutched at the heartstrings of all those watching included the Audi in a battle against a classic Plymouth Barracuda. 

The only film on the list to showcase a vehicle not found on the roads in real life (not any time soon at least). I, Robot however, offered viewers a window on the future, with car enthusiasts given the opportunity to see what Audi cars may look like in the year 2035, to be exact.

For the first occasion where Audi designed a vehicle just for a movie, they went with a vehicle capable of autonomous driving named the Audi RSQ. The vehicle allowed Will Smith’s Chicago police detective character Del Spooner to press a button to enable the car to take control of the driving. 

The vehicle included numerous other futuristic and nifty features, including balls to replace the wheels in order to allow for diagonal and horizontal driving. However, the typical single-frame grille and the presence of those four instantly recognisable silver rings let viewers clearly know that this car was without question an Audi.

• Acting - /10 0/10
• Cinematography/Visual Effects - /10 0/10
• Plot/Screenplay - /10 0/10
• Setting/Theme - /10 0/10
• Watchability - /10 0/10
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