Added: Geovany Fedler - Date: 13.09.2021 05:27 - Views: 39880 - Clicks: 4919
So you love a guy with low self-esteem. Sucks to be you. Who still kind of does. I know the crap you deal with. He must drive you nuts. Mary was such a pure, beautiful soul. We connected. Looking into her eyes filled me with comfort and calmed my fears. Mary loved me so much, and I loved her too. But I hated myself even more. Long story short — I ran away from her love. The love I felt unworthy of.
I sought validation and distraction in women, alcohol and career moves. Low self-esteem is easy to explain yet hard to understand for some. Feeling guilty or embarrassed about who you are, deep in your core. Damaged or flawed in fundamental, irreversible ways. Your man may never admit it outright — but he wishes he were someone else. Big mistakes. My shame and low self-esteem led me to become reckless.
I felt a constant, nearly unbearable background anxiety. I had to make myself feel different. I had to escape. Luckily, there were several reliable methods: nonstop partying, irresponsible sex, starting businesses, spending lots of money, exotic traveling.
My worst nightmare was being alone, in a quiet room. The mistakes I made led to more shame and guilt. And then more mistakes made running away from those feelings. The cycle continues. This le to what I like to call the 9th dimension of shame. The hole can get so deep. The spiral of pain seems unstoppable. Every guy will act out in his own way. Some pull back and hide, some flee and seek experiences. Others party and rage, or try to prove themselves at work.
Low self-esteem is tricky; the sufferer can distract himself or run away from it for years. He may not even realize that the darkness he feels is low self-esteem. If you love him, he will need you to get through it. You may be able to show him the light. Many times it will be confusing, and he may hurt you without wanting to. He hurts enough just being himself. Here are some important things to remember: a cheat sheet to get you through tough times. And maybe to help him see the truth of his ways. You two may have such an obvious, beautiful opportunity for love but he squanders it.
He only sees his own shortcomings. But like I said above, he may not even realize it. However he is in a state of constant anxiety, always wishing he could be someone HE loves. He yearns to love himself, and the struggle to do that can ruin your relationship. This should be a good thing, right? Not all men act out this feeling in healthy ways.
It will be hard but think about their perspective. Buy him books on spirituality, ask him how he feels about himself. Listen, and if required seek the help of a d therapist or psychologist. A book I recommend is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. It was a wake-up call, and helped launch my wild journey of transformation. This was a huge factor in my relationship ending. My low self-esteem led me to crave attention from other potential partners.
I was addicted to approval and validation from other women. Maybe he likes attention from others, flirtation and come-hither looks. That was another thing I would do — I craved the attention so much. Maybe he Confident college guy looking to cuddle yearns for people to tell him how cool he is, how great he dresses, or what a sweet job he has.
He seeks attention and approval from other people — but what about you? It may be common sense to you — that we should all love and respect ourselves as human beings.
Having low self-esteem is like being in a courtroom. His soul appears blackened, damaged and irreparable. He craves escapes from reality. Try to talk with him about this. Why do you need to feel this way? It must be him who makes the changes necessary to heal.
At first he cherished you. You were his prize. He held you close, showed you off to the world. It was intoxicating and intense. The high that you and the new relationship gave him faded. He needs more intense intoxicating experiences to feel okay about himself. She could see the man I was, beyond the shit-storm that was my life. I was too deep in my own trance. So I needed to prove that I could be worthy of someone amazing. Does that sound stupid or what?
Then I could love myself. Please, tell him you love him. Tell him everything you think is unique and enticing about him.
If he feels like he fooled you, he will not treat the relationship with the respect. This is an important point.
Maybe he has grand ideas or entrepreneurial zeal up the wazoo. He wants to create something that will change the world. His big dreams or grandiose desires get him out of his head. They give him hope that maybe one day, just maybe he will be able to like the man he is. After he does all this awesome stuff. There is nothing wrong with drive and initiative.
But why is he so driven? Why does he desire so much? We could live with more purpose. Your man should ask himself why he wants to accomplish so much. To bring him down to earth, remind him how much life there is to live right nowin this moment. This moment, between the two of you. Kiss his lips, hold his head in your hands. Tousle that hair and look deep into those eyes you love so much.
Tell him he is enough.
My ex, Mary, had to think that I was perfect and wonderful at all times. She was my entire support system, and my source of confidence and security. She was my everything. The low self-esteem inside your man creates an enormous hole. He filled it with you, and sprinkles in other things like vices and attention from others. When you threaten to leave them empty again they go crazy or become irrational. Nor does he want to dominate you. Many guys with low self-esteem are living in the past. He may be guilt-ridden and woeful over opportunities he failed to seize.
Maybe he regrets not doing better in school, or choosing a better college. He might feel like a failure and disappointment to his family. Who knows, the point is he rides himself down all the time. You may feel sad because it seems all he cares about is making lots of money, accomplishments or fame.
Or making his family proud. He may seem to leave you out of his utopian vision of the future. You love him exactly as he is, right? Tell him that right now. I convinced myself that I was helping by not Confident college guy looking to cuddle her marriage or children. I had no faith in my own goodness or potential.
Knowing this may help you understand the complexity of a man. He needs to learn to love himself through the hard times before he can love you through the hard times. Sick, huh? I come in truth. This is a tough one to talk about. Self-esteem can get so low that a man gets validation from seeing his partner suffer. Seeing a person go through hell for us, feel pain caused by us — can actually give us pride. Your guy has to learn to love himself. This includes all the deepest and darkest parts too, the parts that scare him to death.
The unfaced and unfelt parts of our psyche are the source of all neurosis and suffering. Carl Jung said that, not me.Confident college guy looking to cuddle
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